Fic: Borrow the Moment
May. 15th, 2012 12:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jedi_of_urthTitle: Borrow the Moment
Author:jedi_of_urth
Fandom: Doctor Who
Characters/Pairings: Doctor/Rose
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 793
Prompt: Something Borrowed
Summary: The Doctor stumbles into a trap that forces him to confront the chance he lost.
Disclaimer: DW isn’t mine
Author's Notes/Warnings (fic): LAS fic, but I like this one a lot. Specific Journey’s End spoilers, but hints at the Doctor’s state of mind during the specials.
Author’s Notes (flashback): Originally posted April 2011. This may have been one of my best showings in the LAS competitions, although it still didn’t win.
The Dementor Trap was among the foulest things anyone had every thought of that didn’t kill someone. Although, in truth, anyone left too long in the Trap would expire eventually; and if a person had seen or done too many things they regretted, the horror of those memories coming back to them at full force could kill quickly.
The Doctor’s mind was made of sterner stuff that most people in the universe, so when he wandered into the Trap he sensed what had happened and had a split second to do something about it. He had also suffered through more horrors that anyone should ever have to, so he needed to escape. He couldn’t physically escape from the web though; what he could do was put his mind into a state of nothingness that would spare him the torture of remaining conscious in the Trap.
He expected to be less than asleep when he had so disconnected himself from his surroundings, but that clearly wasn’t the case because he could think about the fact that he was still thinking. He dared to open his eyes and found he was nowhere near the forest he had been in; instead he was lying in a comfortable bed looking up at a high white ceiling, and there was someone there with him.
When he turned to look his heart stopped. It was Rose, he was in bed with Rose. So he was dreaming, but at least it was a good dream, he’d escaped the nightmares of the Dementor Trap at least.
But as he reached out to stroke her face it occurred to him that this was a nightmare, in its way. Dreaming of the thing he could never have and wanted so desperately; it made his heart ache. But at least these dreams were familiar territory and he knew he could handle the agony it put him through.
Rose’s eyes fluttered open at his touch and she smiled at him. “Morning,” she muttered, then leaned forward and lazily kissed him. Her mouth tasted of morning breath but he didn’t care, he looped an arm around her pulling her closer, and deepened the kiss. “Love you,” he muttered between kisses, the words he had never given her in the waking world. Even here his heart pounded as he said them.
And then it hit him.
His heart. His single, frantic, painfully human heart. He’d gone so far out of himself that he’d ended up in his double. His double who woke up every morning next to Rose and it wasn’t a dream. The life he’d walked away from; the life he’d chosen to reject.
He pulled away from her so he could stare at her face, taking in everything about her, including her complete confusion at the moment. “Rose,” he whispered desperately, which only seemed to make her more confused.
“Doctor, what’s wrong?” she asked.
This might be worse than staying in the Dementor Trap. There’d he’d face the memories of all the things he’d done in his lifetimes, but he dealt with those memories often; here he had this, this taste of what he could have had, knowing it belonged to his half human doppelganger.
But if he was only borrowing the moment, he could at least take advantage of it. “Rose, it’s me,” he said softly, and a little desperately he was sure.
She stared at him for another long moment, but she seemed to understand quickly enough. “Doctor?” she whispered, the catch in her voice so familiar. “Then how?”
“I’m not sure.”
“If you’re here, where’s my Doctor?”
That was like a knife to his single heart, and though obviously he had earned it, he still flinched at the reproach he heard in her voice. “Rose, I’m sorry. About everything.”
She managed to hold on to her anger for another moment but then she sighed. “I know. He explained everything. That it wasn’t because you didn’t love me and didn’t want me with you, but that still doesn’t give you the right to make decisions for me.”
He reached out to touch her, he’d never get enough of that in whatever time he had here. She didn’t pull away, though she didn’t lean into his touch as he would have liked. “It’s for the best,” was all he could say. It was all he’d ever been able to say.
“It worked out,” she corrected him.
Before he could say anything else he was pulled backwards. Through the nothingness of oblivion, past the eternity of painful memories brought into sharp clarity by the Dementor Trap, and into his new surroundings as he awoke in a new prison. But at least this one was made of stone and bars rather than his own guilty hearts.
Author:
jedi_of_urthFandom: Doctor Who
Characters/Pairings: Doctor/Rose
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 793
Prompt: Something Borrowed
Summary: The Doctor stumbles into a trap that forces him to confront the chance he lost.
Disclaimer: DW isn’t mine
Author's Notes/Warnings (fic): LAS fic, but I like this one a lot. Specific Journey’s End spoilers, but hints at the Doctor’s state of mind during the specials.
Author’s Notes (flashback): Originally posted April 2011. This may have been one of my best showings in the LAS competitions, although it still didn’t win.
The Dementor Trap was among the foulest things anyone had every thought of that didn’t kill someone. Although, in truth, anyone left too long in the Trap would expire eventually; and if a person had seen or done too many things they regretted, the horror of those memories coming back to them at full force could kill quickly.
The Doctor’s mind was made of sterner stuff that most people in the universe, so when he wandered into the Trap he sensed what had happened and had a split second to do something about it. He had also suffered through more horrors that anyone should ever have to, so he needed to escape. He couldn’t physically escape from the web though; what he could do was put his mind into a state of nothingness that would spare him the torture of remaining conscious in the Trap.
He expected to be less than asleep when he had so disconnected himself from his surroundings, but that clearly wasn’t the case because he could think about the fact that he was still thinking. He dared to open his eyes and found he was nowhere near the forest he had been in; instead he was lying in a comfortable bed looking up at a high white ceiling, and there was someone there with him.
When he turned to look his heart stopped. It was Rose, he was in bed with Rose. So he was dreaming, but at least it was a good dream, he’d escaped the nightmares of the Dementor Trap at least.
But as he reached out to stroke her face it occurred to him that this was a nightmare, in its way. Dreaming of the thing he could never have and wanted so desperately; it made his heart ache. But at least these dreams were familiar territory and he knew he could handle the agony it put him through.
Rose’s eyes fluttered open at his touch and she smiled at him. “Morning,” she muttered, then leaned forward and lazily kissed him. Her mouth tasted of morning breath but he didn’t care, he looped an arm around her pulling her closer, and deepened the kiss. “Love you,” he muttered between kisses, the words he had never given her in the waking world. Even here his heart pounded as he said them.
And then it hit him.
His heart. His single, frantic, painfully human heart. He’d gone so far out of himself that he’d ended up in his double. His double who woke up every morning next to Rose and it wasn’t a dream. The life he’d walked away from; the life he’d chosen to reject.
He pulled away from her so he could stare at her face, taking in everything about her, including her complete confusion at the moment. “Rose,” he whispered desperately, which only seemed to make her more confused.
“Doctor, what’s wrong?” she asked.
This might be worse than staying in the Dementor Trap. There’d he’d face the memories of all the things he’d done in his lifetimes, but he dealt with those memories often; here he had this, this taste of what he could have had, knowing it belonged to his half human doppelganger.
But if he was only borrowing the moment, he could at least take advantage of it. “Rose, it’s me,” he said softly, and a little desperately he was sure.
She stared at him for another long moment, but she seemed to understand quickly enough. “Doctor?” she whispered, the catch in her voice so familiar. “Then how?”
“I’m not sure.”
“If you’re here, where’s my Doctor?”
That was like a knife to his single heart, and though obviously he had earned it, he still flinched at the reproach he heard in her voice. “Rose, I’m sorry. About everything.”
She managed to hold on to her anger for another moment but then she sighed. “I know. He explained everything. That it wasn’t because you didn’t love me and didn’t want me with you, but that still doesn’t give you the right to make decisions for me.”
He reached out to touch her, he’d never get enough of that in whatever time he had here. She didn’t pull away, though she didn’t lean into his touch as he would have liked. “It’s for the best,” was all he could say. It was all he’d ever been able to say.
“It worked out,” she corrected him.
Before he could say anything else he was pulled backwards. Through the nothingness of oblivion, past the eternity of painful memories brought into sharp clarity by the Dementor Trap, and into his new surroundings as he awoke in a new prison. But at least this one was made of stone and bars rather than his own guilty hearts.
