TVD fic: Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda
May. 3rd, 2012 08:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jedi_of_urthTitle: Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jedi_of_urth
Fandom: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Characters/Pairings: Elijah, Elena, ensemble. Elijah/Elena feelings
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,194
Summary: Elijah reflects on the ways in which his relationship might have been different if things had gone according to plan.
Disclaimer: TVD belongs to the CW
Author's Notes/Warnings: Spoilers through the end of season 2 (slightly s3 but not overtly so). Thanks towheatear for betaing. There may need to be a s3 extension to this eventually, but we’ll see.
I would have taken her, compelled her to behave, and not thought twice about it. I might have spent the next weeks avoiding her friends as much as Klaus’s allies, but it would have been worth it to have her entirely under my control. The doppelganger, the essential piece to Klaus’s greatest desire, which made her the key to my revenge.
Never Elena. Not if things had gone as I wished that day.
If the Salvatore boys hadn’t come when they did I could have been out of the country before they found me again. I would have kept her hidden until I had every piece in place. No matter how long it took.
And in all that time, I would never have known her. I would never have asked for her help, I would never have trusted anything she had to say. In time she would have been silent, judging me for what I did but never allowed to do anything about it. She would have hated me, and her hate would have meant nothing to me.
I would have let her die. The doppelganger line would have ended with her. I would have gone so far as to think it was for the best.
I would have lived on until the end of time, alone; and I would have deserved every second of it.
She would have gone with me. She was ready to offer herself up as a sacrifice and I would have taken advantage of that. I wouldn’t have had to compel her as long as she believed that her sacrifice would save her loved ones.
I wouldn’t have actually given my word on that. I don’t make deals I have no intention of honoring.
If Damon hadn’t been there to stop her she would have left Slater’s apartment with me, choosing hope for others over her own life. Not that I would have accepted just how pure her motives were then.
I didn’t believe in her selflessness then, not after Katerina. I had lived with the shame of overestimating her goodness for 500 years and I wasn’t about to make that mistake again. After that betrayal I would have always been expecting some trick from this new doppelganger.
I would have hidden her away and in time I would have destroyed the very thing that caused her to agree to the sacrifice: her connections to those she loved. And then I would have been right not to trust her, and believed myself vindicated without considering that I had caused it.
I would have robbed the world of something precious long before Klaus killed her.
She should have been too scared to understand the exact terms of our deal, much less negotiate back. I meant to frighten her, to throw her off guard and keep her there. It wasn’t really a deal – it was an ultimatum, where I gave her the illusion of hope and I sacrificed nothing.
Fear and hope. I should have had the upper hand.
I should have walked out of the house believing that our deal had trapped her as securely as her friend’s spell. She should have believed I promised her things I didn’t actually agree to. She wasn’t supposed to realize that I had said nothing about saving her life.
Even with the elixir I couldn’t promise her that she would survive. But that chance should have soothed any attacks of conscience I had over sacrificing an innocent, frightened child to my sadistic brother.
And when she proved to be less than innocent, frightened, or childlike those attacks of conscience should have lessened instead of gnawing at me all the more.
I should have understood her better. She’d given me plenty of evidence of the lengths she would go to protect her loved ones, but still I underestimated her. Ironically it was the very thing I was counting on: that she cared more about her family’s lives than her own, and I still didn’t trust it.
I should have let her renegotiate, I should have understood as soon as she pulled out that knife, I should have listened as she explained how it would go down, I should have realized that even backed into a corner Elena Gilbert always found a way to get the upper hand.
I should not have called her bluff, because she wasn’t bluffing.
Instead I had to watch as she turned the knife on herself and demanded my word while I could do nothing to intervene. Until finally, weak, bleeding, dying, she managed to force a promise from my lips.
I should have learned by then not to underestimate her, but that wasn’t the last time she surprised me.
I could have continued to mistrust her. When she heard that Klaus had attacked her aunt, I could have refused to let her go and see to her family. I could have insisted on going with her or followed to make sure she didn’t do anything foolish.
It wasn’t as if I didn’t have cause to doubt her word.
But when she gave it, her face open and guileless, I could do nothing but trust her. I had once trusted Katerina’s innocence and been proven wrong; but Elena seemed to understand what she was doing, what her words meant, and I believed her.
I would be lying if I said that I didn’t have any doubts. The minutes stretched into hours, and my misgivings grew. If she had proven herself to be as unreliable as her predecessors I could have avoided the complex feelings I felt as the nearly full moon rose outside.
I wasn’t really surprised when she returned. But I was surprised by happy I was that she did.
I could have killed Damon for feeding Elena his blood. It was obvious to anyone that she didn’t want that, it wasn’t as if the possibility could have escaped her. I didn’t want to run the risk of her death either, not anymore, but I would never selfishly make this choice for her.
If I was as noble as I pretend to be I could seek out Klaus and attempt to convince him to wait. After a thousand years he could wait another month; but that would mean tipping my hand. Now he didn’t know I was even here, much less had dealings with Elena, telling him that wouldn’t help either of us. That I had allowed myself to care for her would not convince Klaus of anything, certainly not to spare her life.
I could do nothing for her, at least that’s what I told myself. I could however leave her alone for the day and not treat her as a prisoner on her last day of human life. She may or may not have understood what I didn’t say, that I was offering her another choice; she could still run and buy herself more time. But I knew that for her that was as good as having no choice, she couldn’t live with the consequences of such an action.
She didn’t surprise me with her decisions now. I just wasn’t sure I could live with mine anymore.
Author:
jedi_of_urthFandom: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Characters/Pairings: Elijah, Elena, ensemble. Elijah/Elena feelings
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,194
Summary: Elijah reflects on the ways in which his relationship might have been different if things had gone according to plan.
Disclaimer: TVD belongs to the CW
Author's Notes/Warnings: Spoilers through the end of season 2 (slightly s3 but not overtly so). Thanks to
wheatear for betaing. There may need to be a s3 extension to this eventually, but we’ll see.I would have taken her, compelled her to behave, and not thought twice about it. I might have spent the next weeks avoiding her friends as much as Klaus’s allies, but it would have been worth it to have her entirely under my control. The doppelganger, the essential piece to Klaus’s greatest desire, which made her the key to my revenge.
Never Elena. Not if things had gone as I wished that day.
If the Salvatore boys hadn’t come when they did I could have been out of the country before they found me again. I would have kept her hidden until I had every piece in place. No matter how long it took.
And in all that time, I would never have known her. I would never have asked for her help, I would never have trusted anything she had to say. In time she would have been silent, judging me for what I did but never allowed to do anything about it. She would have hated me, and her hate would have meant nothing to me.
I would have let her die. The doppelganger line would have ended with her. I would have gone so far as to think it was for the best.
I would have lived on until the end of time, alone; and I would have deserved every second of it.
She would have gone with me. She was ready to offer herself up as a sacrifice and I would have taken advantage of that. I wouldn’t have had to compel her as long as she believed that her sacrifice would save her loved ones.
I wouldn’t have actually given my word on that. I don’t make deals I have no intention of honoring.
If Damon hadn’t been there to stop her she would have left Slater’s apartment with me, choosing hope for others over her own life. Not that I would have accepted just how pure her motives were then.
I didn’t believe in her selflessness then, not after Katerina. I had lived with the shame of overestimating her goodness for 500 years and I wasn’t about to make that mistake again. After that betrayal I would have always been expecting some trick from this new doppelganger.
I would have hidden her away and in time I would have destroyed the very thing that caused her to agree to the sacrifice: her connections to those she loved. And then I would have been right not to trust her, and believed myself vindicated without considering that I had caused it.
I would have robbed the world of something precious long before Klaus killed her.
She should have been too scared to understand the exact terms of our deal, much less negotiate back. I meant to frighten her, to throw her off guard and keep her there. It wasn’t really a deal – it was an ultimatum, where I gave her the illusion of hope and I sacrificed nothing.
Fear and hope. I should have had the upper hand.
I should have walked out of the house believing that our deal had trapped her as securely as her friend’s spell. She should have believed I promised her things I didn’t actually agree to. She wasn’t supposed to realize that I had said nothing about saving her life.
Even with the elixir I couldn’t promise her that she would survive. But that chance should have soothed any attacks of conscience I had over sacrificing an innocent, frightened child to my sadistic brother.
And when she proved to be less than innocent, frightened, or childlike those attacks of conscience should have lessened instead of gnawing at me all the more.
I should have understood her better. She’d given me plenty of evidence of the lengths she would go to protect her loved ones, but still I underestimated her. Ironically it was the very thing I was counting on: that she cared more about her family’s lives than her own, and I still didn’t trust it.
I should have let her renegotiate, I should have understood as soon as she pulled out that knife, I should have listened as she explained how it would go down, I should have realized that even backed into a corner Elena Gilbert always found a way to get the upper hand.
I should not have called her bluff, because she wasn’t bluffing.
Instead I had to watch as she turned the knife on herself and demanded my word while I could do nothing to intervene. Until finally, weak, bleeding, dying, she managed to force a promise from my lips.
I should have learned by then not to underestimate her, but that wasn’t the last time she surprised me.
I could have continued to mistrust her. When she heard that Klaus had attacked her aunt, I could have refused to let her go and see to her family. I could have insisted on going with her or followed to make sure she didn’t do anything foolish.
It wasn’t as if I didn’t have cause to doubt her word.
But when she gave it, her face open and guileless, I could do nothing but trust her. I had once trusted Katerina’s innocence and been proven wrong; but Elena seemed to understand what she was doing, what her words meant, and I believed her.
I would be lying if I said that I didn’t have any doubts. The minutes stretched into hours, and my misgivings grew. If she had proven herself to be as unreliable as her predecessors I could have avoided the complex feelings I felt as the nearly full moon rose outside.
I wasn’t really surprised when she returned. But I was surprised by happy I was that she did.
I could have killed Damon for feeding Elena his blood. It was obvious to anyone that she didn’t want that, it wasn’t as if the possibility could have escaped her. I didn’t want to run the risk of her death either, not anymore, but I would never selfishly make this choice for her.
If I was as noble as I pretend to be I could seek out Klaus and attempt to convince him to wait. After a thousand years he could wait another month; but that would mean tipping my hand. Now he didn’t know I was even here, much less had dealings with Elena, telling him that wouldn’t help either of us. That I had allowed myself to care for her would not convince Klaus of anything, certainly not to spare her life.
I could do nothing for her, at least that’s what I told myself. I could however leave her alone for the day and not treat her as a prisoner on her last day of human life. She may or may not have understood what I didn’t say, that I was offering her another choice; she could still run and buy herself more time. But I knew that for her that was as good as having no choice, she couldn’t live with the consequences of such an action.
She didn’t surprise me with her decisions now. I just wasn’t sure I could live with mine anymore.
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no subject
Date: 2012-05-04 04:45 am (UTC)This honestly rings very true, because Elijah had a definite plan in 2.08 and you can tell that the more he got to know and understand Elena, the more he had to tweak his plan. He was expecting Elena to be anyone and anything but the person she was and I feel like you captured this perfectly!
I love this!
no subject
Date: 2012-05-04 06:45 am (UTC)Of course he never *intended* to fall for her, like everything else it just kind of happened. And with everything that's changed each of his early action look like something up to date Elijah would be ashamed of.
no subject
Date: 2012-05-04 05:54 am (UTC)Nnnngh, yes. That was one of my favorite scenes, and I enjoyed the look into his thought process.
no subject
Date: 2012-05-04 06:48 am (UTC)And it's particularly interesting in light of 3x21, Elijah could have told Alaric not to underestimate Elena, but I still figure Klaus didn't know about that.