Fic: Running

[jedi_of_urth]

(And so it begins...posting the really old fic that late twenties Jedi is ashamed teenage Jedi (or just Tori) ever wrote)

Title: Running
Author: jedi_of_urth / Tori Mc as was
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Characters/Pairings: Buffy/Giles, other characters mentioned
Rating: PG-ish
Word Count: 389
Summary: Buffy's thoughts after she leaves the Magic Box in "Grave"
Disclaimer: BtVS isn’t mine either
Author's Notes/Warnings (fic): Spoilers through ‘Grave’ obviously.
Author’s Notes (flashback): This must have been written shortly after the season 6 finale, in order to deal with some plot bunnies of the time. Pretty sure it was never betaed and probably should have been.



I run, what else could I do? Scratch that, I know what else I could do, but I have to believe I don't have a choice, that way it anything happens, I can think that I didn't choose to leave him there. That it's not my fault I left him behind with my psychotic with grief and magic best friend.

I run, I have to save Dawn and Xander, and Jonathan and Andrew. I said they were the line Willow couldn't cross, but what does that make Giles? If something happens to him, she can't come back from that.

I keep running, but a part of my heart stays behind, where a part of me was willing to stay and forget what else happens. I know I would never forgive myself if I had stayed and Dawn had died, but if Giles dies...

I run, and I remember my own words from oh so long ago; "If Giles dies, she dies," and I know they are just as true now. If she kills him, she won't be Willow anymore in any way, and I'm conscious enough of my own reasons to know that once I don't see her as Willow anymore, the whole situation changes.

I hate the idea that a part of me knows, that it was the real Willow that knew what she was doing to me. That it was my best friend that knew that she was asking me to make the hardest choice ever, harder than whether to die or not, both times. Choose my sister and my best friend or my Watcher that I love.

As I run I remember his face when he turned to me, those eyes I could drown in forever, the plain love written there; if I hadn't already loved him I would have then. And then the looks on his face while we talked. Please God, don't take him from me; I can't do this without him; I don't want to live in a world without him in it.

I keep running. I have to believe he can take care of himself or I may turn around and leave four people including my sister to die because I don't know what I would choose if I had a choice.

I don't have a choice now, so I keep running.